Letting go of preferences..

Sometimes, I notice myself straining against or resisting the way other people may be doing things or handling something.

When this happens, I’m trying to learn to “think” my way through that situation by looking at:

Different strengths and weaknesses: I’m trying to become more aware that we each act out of our own individual strengths and weaknesses….and each one of us is different in those combinations. And hence, different people may have different approaches in choices, actions and interactions.

Different life experiences:  In addition, each one of us may have very different “life histories”…both the positives experiences  and the negative experiences…and those life experiences will significantly affect how people approach situations.

So….When I notice that I’m fighting the way things seem to be, or how others are handling something, I try to:

  • pause,
  • notice that tension
  • and then to realize that I have my very own preference, which may not be the same as another person’s preference.
  • And for me to learn to understand that the other person’s preference may make complete sense, given their own factors and background….

And hence…

  • for me to learn to notice the resisting,
  • accept that my preference is different from another person’s preference
  •  to be willing, as needed, to  let go of my own preference,
  • and learn to accept that sometimes, there may be nothing I can do to change or control a situation.

Just possibly??: It also might be remotely possible that my own preference isn’t all that great a way of doing things either…  : )   …but of course, I usually don’t consider that option quite as easily.

So…this is a system that I came up with to work my way through this type of challenge of conflicting “preferences”.


  • “strengths and weaknesses” is similar to what is sometimes called “parts and pieces”.
  • And “past history and the demands of the present moment” are similar to what is sometimes  called “causes and conditions”.
  • And the background of the image page, above,  is similar to the effect of these factors:  designs that are stamped into metal…like imprints, fixed and often difficult to change.

Click image below to enlarge

Once in awhile, I get into a bit of a heated reaction pattern….really not liking what is going on …..usually quite “full of myself and my own preferences”….a reaction that is not helpful to myself or others…

it’s a bit like the Buddha said about holding onto a hot coal..it hurts me more than others. But if I throw that reaction out towards others, it does damage to them, too.

Well,  I created this page, the original page in the sequence,  when I first started noticing how strong my preferences sometimes were, often over silly little things….so…sigh, sometimes this seems to happen…

1 Response to Letting go of preferences..

  1. Pingback: “To know the truth, only cease to cherish opinions”…. 3rd Zen Patriarch | Pocket Perspectives

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