Note to anyone who might “happen upon” this post: the images, words and ideas below are part of an evolving, ongoing draft of some ideas I’ve been reflecting upon for the past 2 months.
They all started with my reaction to some turbulence, as we flew cross county. I created the image pages first to try to gain more understanding about my own challenging reactions and possible mis-understandings.
Now, I’m adding words between the images…to try to get greater clarity upon what I’m realizing and understanding. Many of the ideas also tie in with teachings of Buddhism, which I’ve been enthusiastically studying for the past 6 years.
Enjoy! Here you go……………….
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pdf of these Turbulence ideas….Turbulence book vertical/portrait format
Turbulence Book horizontal/landscape format
There are lots of “parts” within this selection. I marked the parts with “dividers” between them…. the “dividers” look like this: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Turbulence! “Ohhhh…of course….” ….. BUT … “maybe not so…….”
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We flew across the country this past summer.
We were flying along through the sky….with steady, smooth, forward motion…
Then….
we hit some STRONG “turbulence!”
There must have been VERY BIG WINDS tumbling though the air around us!
Jostling and tossing the airplane…and jostling all of us inside that plane!
No more steady smooth motion for us… major jostling instead!
BIG TURBULENCE!
As the plane was shaking… I was also feeling “shaken up,” reacting and scared….fearful thoughts…fearful emotions…imagined worries…such uncomfortable reactions….
Then, it occurred to me…
“…ohhhhhh…of course…”
“Ohhh…of course…. of course this airplane is shaking”
we’re here in a cylindrical metal object in the sky,
there are many huge billowing clouds around our airplane,
there are multiple wind currents in the air we’re flying through,
there’s the strong gigantic wind of the jet stream flowing against us,
there are probably very limited choices of flight paths and altitude choices
offered by Air Traffic Control…
so….
“ohhh….of course…there’s turbulence here right now!”
“ohhhhh….of course….”
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And then I started wondering…
Hmmmm…..wow! Might those “airplane turbulence” factors and dynamics be a VERY similar dynamic to my own various reactions in my own everyday life…???
Do you suppose I might have my very own internal winds???
perhaps…..the continual, ongoing interactions of…..
my own history of perceiving, filtering and reacting,
my strongly imprinted “patterns” of thinking and feeling,
the constantly changing “conditions” around me each moment of the day,
the many varied ways other people interact with and around me….
(all of these sometimes called “parts and pieces, causes and conditions” = ppcc )
Soooooo …..
“ohhhhhh…of course”….
Of course, I’m reacting this way right now!”
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Perhaps…I’m feeling buffeted around by just one reaction or just one feeling…?
Or maybe… I’m feeling jostled by an interplay of multiple thoughts, reactions or feelings?
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But…
Maybe “this”…whatever I’m perceiving… isn’t the way I think it is…
Maybe it’s not the way I’ve always thought it was
Maybe I’m filtering, distorting or reacting to various factors,
coming out of my own life history
of thousands of previous filtered perceptions…
Maybe this is not “so”… not “true”
Maybe my perceptions are skewed by my own past experiences and habitual patterns…
“Maybe not so…..”
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As far as I can tell at this point in my developing understanding…
one way to for me to learn to “live” more “lightly”
might be to live more often with this increasing awareness of….
“maybe no so……”
“maybe not so……….”
“maybe not so…………..”
“maybe not so……………….”
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…nurturing awareness…developing understanding…supporting wisdom…
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Perhaps…only “me” reacting…
Perhaps, many of us are reacting, each in our own ways?
Perhaps, feeling my own reactions
to the many varied reactions of people around me?
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Turbulence!
Big Winds!
in the air… against the structure of the airplane…and within each of us
in the bodies, hearts and minds of every one of us on that airplane,
myself included!
“ohhhh…of course….”
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Perhaps, as I continue to reflect upon this dynamic,
I wonder if I can develop the steadiness and courage…
…..to continue to observe my own reactions?
…..to being more open to understanding
the complex, life long factors contributing to my own reactions?
I wonder if I can observe,
in the moment,
with consistently watchful “eyes” ???
I pretty sure I can start to get ….
occasional little glimpses of this dynamic of my mind!
If I am persistent in observing and reflecting,
I’m pretty sure I can develop
greater understanding and awareness…
of the dynamics
of my sometimes uncomfortable reactions, thoughts and feelings…
And really important!!!…
for me to be observing and holding this developing awareness…
as gently as possible with a kind and compassionate heart…
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Eventually, after a few trying weeks of watching these inner dynamics of my mind…
after feeling frequently bounced around by the everyday “winds”of my mind…
The turbulent winds of …..
“I want…I don’t want…I like…I don’t like…”
I want MORE! I want NONE of this!
I realized that embedded within this reaction…
seems to be a strong feeling or sense of “I”….
“I” don’t like this…!!!!
“I” don’t want this….!!!!
“I” want to get rid of this….!!!
“I” feel threatened!
Wow! How did that feeling of “I” get sooooooooo BIG ????
Or…perhaps, a happy feeling or dynamic…the same dynamic!!!
“I” like this….!
“I” want this….!
“I” want MORE of this….!!!
Wow!…another feeling of a GREAT BIG “I”
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Hmmmm…..????
a sense of a big reaction in “me”….!!!
perhaps amplified by those winds???
It sure feels like lots of BIG and little winds blowing around in my mind!
Maybe, a bit like those “Eight Worldly Winds” I’ve read about!
I wonder if some of my own personal “winds” might actually contribute to
…or maybe even create…????
a confusing sense of a solid, independent “I” … ????
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So…reflecting a bit more clearly…
using more “sound logic”…
hmmmm….looking at the validity of my thoughts…
maybe this is “so”…….
maybe my perception could be “true”…whatever “true” might be???
maybe whatever I’m perceiving could be “so”
“maybe so…..”
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But…
Maybe “this”…whatever I’m perceiving… isn’t the way I think it is…
not the way I’ve always thought it was
Maybe I’m filtering, distorting or reacting to various factors,
coming out of my own life history
of thousands of previous filtered perceptions…
Maybe this is not “so”… not “true”
Maybe my perceptions are skewed by past experiences and habitual patterns…
“Maybe not so…..”
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Amazingly…what I’ve noticed is:
the more often I use that “maybe not so….” thought,
the sooner the reaction seems to disperse!
It seems to very quickly go…. “poof!….”
The “feeling” disperses and disappears!
Wow!…what a surprise!
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Of course…
this is a continuing process of developing greater awareness and understanding…
awareness of the sense of internal “winds” … in my everyday life…
the continual motions of ….the movements of…the winds of…
the “I” want…….the “I” don’t want
the “I” like……the “I” don’t like
gimmee, gimmee more………go away!
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Sometimes…I seem to continue to react so strongly…
Uh oh…more BIG WINDS!
I actually had a strong reaction, sitting in a diner in New Hampshire…
We were eating dinner,
before driving north into the mountains where we were going.
I looked out a window and saw HUGE dark clouds!!!….
toward the north …where we would be driving!
And I “heard” a very clear exclamation in my “head”
“Oh My God! It’s going to RAIN!”
That exclamation included some habitual, implied worries and fears…
OMG!…the road’s going to flood!
OMG!…We won’t be able to see through the windshield!
OMG!….We might get in an accident!
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And, not only that….
I believed what I “heard” myself saying to myself…
“This is so!!!
“SERIOUSLY, this is so!!!”
“I know this is so!”
“I believe this is so!”
“I” am in danger!
Seriously!
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Wow!!!….my mind sure got moving very fast!!! … very quickly!!!….
with multiplying negative, fearful, exaggerated thoughts and feelings!
Uh oh!
Do you suppose that negative thoughts and feelings are contagious within my mind???
Or maybe they just attract a jet stream filled with similar types of thoughts and feelings???
Ah ha!
Do you suppose this is similar to the dynamics of…..momentum???
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It felt like those kinds of thoughts and feelings spread all around and through my mind!
Whoa!
Oh no!?!?!?!
Multiple unpleasant thoughts, feelings and reactions!
hmmmmm????
I wonder if positive thoughts become a kind of “jet stream”
powered by more and more positive thoughts and feelings?
And…uh oh!..maybe there’s a negative “jet stream” too??
negative leading to more negative????
Uh oh!
Now THAT’S some pretty POWERFUL motivation
to get OUT of negative states of mind!!!!
as much and often as possible!
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Multiple unpleasant thoughts, feelings and reactions???
…….. powerful momentum, indeed! ……..
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Not only that… “but wait, there’s more!”
After I made that particular big black cloud “SERIOUS-ly” page
and saw so clearly the way I sometimes tend to react strongly….
a new “thought” popped up in my head and was very clearly heard!
“I” am doomed!!!!
I’ll never get over reacting this way!
“SERIOUS-ly!”
“This is SO!”
“Now, I’m doomed!!!”
(I don’t really mean “doomed”… I mean “uh oh, big trouble possible!”)
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Ohhhhhh……..my goodness…………
I did have enough awareness and understanding to see the absurdity in this reaction…
I could see myself getting blown around by the big winds within my own mind!
It actually was a bit “funny” to hear this dramatic reaction and intonation…
It felt good to be able to actually laugh at the absurdity of that very young reaction.
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But…. okay….
oh my goodness…..oh my goodness…there’s “work” to be done, that’s for sure!
……or perhaps…..???
this might be worth a try…..
….simply letting go…..???
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Steadily, persistently and consistently
Developing….
deeper awareness and understanding of this dynamic of mind.
Practicing “letting go” …
of being blown around by various habitual thoughts and reaction patterns
“Letting go” ….
of believing whatever my mind is “telling me”…
Realizing ….
that there are often habitual filtered thoughts in everybody’s minds, mine included
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Reminding myself…….
again and again and again…….
“maybe not so….” “maybe not so….” “maybe not so….”
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“maybe not so….” “maybe not so….” “maybe not so….”
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clouds???…thoughts???…feelings???…emotions???
All of them!!!!
winds…motion….motion…motion….winds
So important for me to keep in mind!
……..clouds…thoughts…feelings…emotions……..
…..they are are constantly “arising”……
…..constantly “here” for awhile…..
…..and constantly “dissipating”…..
……..no need for concern……
“it’s just a flow….”
“nothing to be shocked or disturbed about….”
“simply a dependent arising that flows from one thing to the next”
(pssst….thank you for those words of reassurance, Jampa )
….simply flowing…simply continual motion….
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Such a similar dynamic to a cloud I watched a few days ago…
it looked “solid” and so completely, stably formed…
…and then…
…within 5 seconds…
…dissipating…dissipating…….Poof!….gone!
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….That cloud dissipated so quickly and was simply and completely gone!
Just like that…poof!…gone!…disappeared completely!…only clear blue sky!
What a wonderful reminder for me!
….winds…motion…movement…
… clouds… thoughts… feelings… e-motions…
…constantly “arising”…
…constantly “here” for awhile…
…constantly “dissipating”…
…clouds…thoughts…feelings…e-motions…
Humph! “Ohhhhhh…of course!…. This makes sense!”
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….motion…motion…motion….
……….continuing and continual motion………
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…..motion…motion…motion….
…..wonderful, wonderful motion!…..
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Over the past many months,
I’ve continued to reflect
on these various dynamics of winds, motion, turbulence and clouds
and the similar dynamics within our minds…
and thinking more about the wonderfully fluid, flexible “motions” of…
“Ohhh…of course….!” and “Maybe not so…..”
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I’ve realized as I’ve watched lots of lovely wispy clouds in the sky above our house…
that I LOVE watching those wispy clouds in the sky…
the flow, the motion, the fluidity, the beauty of those clouds…
“cirrus” clouds…
lovely, fluid, moving, flowing
“I’d like to be more like that!…to live more flexibly and fluidly…”
And so…
the “SERIOUS-ly” of the dramatic worried reactions…
can be balanced off by learning to live increasingly
gracefully, flexibly, fluidly, quickly dispersing reactions…
“cirrus-ly”
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Ahhhhhhh….
“woooooo…I like this better!”
the wonderfully spreading, contagious nature
of those lovely, lighter, more positive thoughts, feelings and e-motions…
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As far as I can tell at this point in my developing understanding…
one way to for me to learn to “live” more “lightly”
might be to live more often with the increasing awareness of….
“maybe no so……”
“maybe not so……….”
“maybe not so…………..”
“maybe not so……………….”
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Keeping all of these ideas in mind….as much and as often as I’m able
Realizing I have a choice…which perspective do I want to practice?
“Maybe so….”
“Maybe not so…………”
Whatever perspective I practice, I’ll get better at…
so for me to choose as carefully and as consciously, as much as I’m able
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hmmmm………which will it be?
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All of these ideas and awarenesses
coming out of that original airplane wind and “turbulence” awareness….
“Ohhh….this reaction, whatever it might be…makes sense!”
However,
realizing……continually reminding myself……it “may not be so”…
“…..maybe not so…..”
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But………….it sure makes sense,
given these particular winds in my mind right now,
that this “reaction” seems to be happening “within” me!
perhaps….. it’s simply…turbulence…
“ohhhhh…of course…..”~
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but…..
for me to keep in mind…..
to continually remind myself…
over and over and over again…
“maybe not so……………..”
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Pocket Perspectives 