Developing more “self kindness”
*As I become more aware of my own thinking and thoughts, I’m sometimes surprised by how “less-than-kind” I can tend to be with myself…my thoughts and actions toward others are usually so much kinder than they are toward myself.
“Hearing” the judgmental or critical thoughts about myself has actually been one of the more difficult aspects of developing greater awareness of my own thinking. It has also been a tremendous motivator to soften and to learn to become more self-accepting and self-nurturing.
Michael Singer, the author of one of the most insightful and helpful books I’ve ever read…. The Untethered Soul… compares living with and “hearing” those thoughts to living with an extremely verbal, irritating or annoying roommate…one who just jabbers on and on.
Fortunately
becoming more aware,
learning improved reasoning skills
and developing more self kindness and self nurturing
has lead to much gentler thinking on my part…
and probably a lot more happiness, too…
*
I’ve realized that when I’m kinder toward myself, not only does that benefit me, it also benefits my family, friends, the children that I teach, other people at work and in life….
*
the positive effects of that increased self-kindness
seem to spread to so many others, too.
*
Support in learning how to develop and nurture more self kindness: Dr. Kristin Neff, Self Compassion researcher and writer from the University of Texas, has some really helpful ideas to help decrease negative thinking and to increase self compassion.
She identifies 3 components in learning to develop more self compassion: “self kindness”
awareness of “common humanity”
“mindfulness”
The following youtube video is one of 5 youtube videos in which she explains each of these components..I think they’re really helpful…and her presentation manner is very kind and nurturing….
This particular video, video 2, elaborates on “self kindness”. It’s short and I think it’s very special…good ideas for developing insight and nurturing to help in shifting…
Kristin Neff also has a website, Self Compassion, with links to the five videos and many other materials. She has also written a very good and helpful book: Self Compassion
A few months ago, I created some “pages” called “A Wide Angle Lens:Adjusting”, (click link to get more explanations and to view other pages) to use when I’m trying to have more self compassion or self kindness. I used several of the steps from Kristin Neff and added several of my own.
And to Ven. Jampa Choepal…(Reflections from a Friend) thank you so much for your help, support and encouragement in developing more self kindness…thank you from the bottom of my heart…. : )  …and thank you to Peter and Julie too…. : ) ….still plugging away with that, but progressing…
Pocket Perspectives 
This message was presented so well, you are doing wonderful work in bringing nuggets of inspiration to the world. The white heart is very peaceful to look at, makes one realize the importance of softening towards oneself. Thanks for this reminder for the day!
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Thank you, sufilight. And the white heart….I find it very gentle and soothing..a quality that I try to nurture in myself and others.
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Great message.
When we have conquered the enemy within . . . there are no enemies left to conquer.
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Not my tech night here…keep losing comments…try again…
Nancy, I think the mind is rather feisty and irritating at times….a bit like a mosquito…I see there’s reference to a mosquito in the HHDalai Lama quote in the banner up above….weird interconnected ideas this evening!…paths, ponds, meditation, Jampa, reflections and now….mosquitoes… : ) As my husband said….”wibbly wobbly ideas this evening”…. : )
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It’s sad how we are always with our Self and still manage to forget our Self. Perhaps it’s because some people are afraid to face their Self so they surround their Self with other people, where other people become the centre of their world… or the other extreme where one is so self-absorbed, one tricks one’s Self into thinking it is self-love/kindness. Self-kindness is when you are also able to show the same degree of genuine kindness to others. Genuine self-kindness can change the world 🙂
I’m glad you are trying to be kinder to yourself Kathy. In my opinion, you are changing the world!
Self count=10 : )
Kind count=5 (with room for morrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre!)
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Thanks Pondering Turtle…in many ways I’m very kind to myself…it’s those surprising/unexpected little self-judging types of comments I “notice” in my head at times that surprise me….so it seems to be a continuing process to learn to calm those and shift out of that trend….you’re young so it might be a bit easier for you, if you notice thoughts like that…not so many years of habits : )
So happy to hear that you sold so much at the big outdoor sale (I forgot what it’s called) …sounds like a fun day! It sounds a bit like a “flea market” but more enjoyable and fun!
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